I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
