i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's shark week go big or go home
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
