I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
