Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
