I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
