no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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