theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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