i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
