you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Never joke about your clitoris.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
