"it" just moved
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
