Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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