I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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