and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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