Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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