Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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