You just made me feel so damn special
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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