I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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