Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
