All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
