Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
