capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
