Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
