It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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