i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
