there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can text with my tongue
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
