im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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