someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
