please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
