the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
