you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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