Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
