I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
