i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
