Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
