My friends, they love my intelligence
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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