he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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