Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
