My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
