YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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