...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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