u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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