i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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