I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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