Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
