he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
