is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize