I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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