We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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