Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
