Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
