Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
