So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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