you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
