Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
