I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
