1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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