Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
