i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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