Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
