You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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