He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dicks are not precious.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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