Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
