I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
