My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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