Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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