I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
