I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My bed smells like the plague
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
