I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
