I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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