im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
