I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
