honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
