If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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