My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
